You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
