my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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