I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
