You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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