just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
