Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
