Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
