I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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