Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize