I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
