Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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