she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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