Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
