i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My room smells like vodka and shame
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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