I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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