I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
