oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
