Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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