His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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