it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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