K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've blown a few things in my day
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
