You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
