i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
