Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize