I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
