It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
