I need to stop coming to work sober
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
