I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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