Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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