I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize