so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
