i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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