My liver just broke up with me...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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