I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
