theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
