you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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