I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
