I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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