i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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