apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
