But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
