Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All the doctor said was why
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
