if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
