She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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