he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
