i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
