I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
