I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
