I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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