did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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