listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
