I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
