I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
