i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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