im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
