jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize