Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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