Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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