ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I party with great urgency now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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