I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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