Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
