I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
