just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is classic penis vs brain.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
