after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
