My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
