So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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