Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize