Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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