you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
