didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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