Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize