I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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