Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
