i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
