well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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