I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
