I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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