i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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