There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
