I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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