i just wanna soil my oats bro
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
