he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
