Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
