i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
