I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
