i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
