Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
