Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
