If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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