Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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