you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
